his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
