Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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