also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
