i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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