Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
