Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm both gender and math confused
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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