You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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