1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
