Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
