The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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