So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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