there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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