He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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