I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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