dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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