The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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