Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
