My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
