She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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