the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
