he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
