Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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