I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Farmville is her only friend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
