Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
