i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
