you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Green mimosas i think yes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
