dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am available for nakedness
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
