I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
