The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize