My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
