I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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