your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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