I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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