im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
