Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
