My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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