uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
