maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
