Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I party with great urgency now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize