I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize