no, he came in my armpit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We smell like vodka and hangover
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