I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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