My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
