Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
God, I missed his penis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
