I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
