The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
