KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize