i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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