I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
