he thought i was a dude.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
