yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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