We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
