Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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