we're blogging at a bar
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
