Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and she was petting her beer can
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
