I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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