His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to make out with him forever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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