FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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