Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
bring money and cleavage
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
