I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
