It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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