dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
