i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
